Yo dont text me then not text me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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