marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize