I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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