OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
