Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
