i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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