I wish I could punch you in the face.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
