go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
