she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
