I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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