Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
