I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
