explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize