STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize