bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
