i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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