I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just cropdusted the office
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
