All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
