I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
