What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
