Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
time to smoke my breakfast
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
