I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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