I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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