your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
