i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
