He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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