I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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