are you still at the devil's house?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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