May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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