apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
