u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
