Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
