I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
