he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
