and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
