I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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