I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Randomize
