Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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