We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
