i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
