No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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