He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Randomize