I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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