i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
