Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
