Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
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