i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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