the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
