I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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