My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
