On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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