If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
