I heard we made out
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
