I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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