You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
