You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
