Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... ๐ฏ๐๐๐
Do I even want to know?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The sex would be better if it wasnโt interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know heโs not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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