Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
