I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
