I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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