omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
