I queefed so loud it echoed.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
