Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
