I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
