She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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