I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
