Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
