I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
