i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
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THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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